Too true. The problem isn’t so much that he’s corresponding with his ex; that’s, as E says, not necessarily a huge deal. The problem is that he’s corresponding with his ex while his current girlfriend doesn’t know about it. That kind of thing may seem innocent enough for a while, but any counselor will tell you that the secrecy becomes part of the excitement for many people, and that the longer the secret is kept, the harder it becomes to reveal, and the greater the potential damage when it eventually comes to light.
It gets worse, too. The secrecy also means nobody’s really having a healthy conversation about setting boundaries. If a secret correspondence like that is kept up and kept secret for too long, it’ll almost certainly mushroom into full-blown emotional and maybe physical infidelity. (Not necessarily in a strip like Bardsworth, but certainly in real-world relationships.)
Fawn’s right: There are at least two conversations Mike needs to have with Crystal, and the sooner the better.
I’m with Andy on this one. My wife found out I still had my ex on my facebook (which I never used anyway) and got really pissed about it. For some it’s a HUGE deal to have ANY kind of contact with an EX without knowing about it.
Sure, rationally no big deal, but who ever said love was rational? 🙂
Okay, a) the fact that your wife got angry doesn’t make it some kind of universal constant, b) Megan isn’t his ex-wife, she’s his ex-girlfriend from high school who literally lives in another dimension c) Crystal’s not married to him! They’ve only been dating for about half a year!
No it’s not “Universal constant” but I’ve seen it far more often then you might think. My example is just my own direct and personal one without bringing up friends or coworkers who have had similar.
As for B and C my response is: and? So? As I said love is not rational. Some people DO get possessive. Others are worried that their partners MIGHT be possessive (even if they’re not). Hell my EX is half a continent away and it didn’t stop my wife from worrying. Or her worrying that I’d get possessive about any contact with her exes who were on the other side of the planet.
What? No. Mike doesn’t need Crystal’s permission to talk to his ex girlfriend, whether it’s a “slippery slope” or not. That’s just creepy and possessive.
Wow, it’s really hard for me to not jump into this conversation, since many of the things people are saying will be said/resolved in the strip. Being the author is difficult sometimes!
…I, uh, suppose I better get back to coloring the strip now.
If it were a question of permission, E, then no. The need for permission would tie into jealousy, possessivness, control, insecurity, or other problems, as you quite rightly note. Ideal situations and ideal people aren\’t always the ones we get to deal with, but you\’re right that, ideally, Mike wouldn\’t need Crystal\’s permission.
But it\’s not always a question of permission (and you\’ll notice that nobody has used that word so far, either in the strip or in the comments). Sometimes it\’s just a question of openness vs. secrecy, as I noted above and as I think Justin was hinting. And sometimes it\’s a question of when and how–especially how–one\’s current significant other finds out that one is communicating with one\’s ex.
Suppose Mike comes forward on his own and says, \”Hey, Crystal, I think you should know that I\’ve been corresponding with my ex-girlfriend Megan. It\’s nothing you need to worry about–I don\’t still have feelings for her, and I am nuts about you–but I do think it\’s important that I tell you it\’s going on.\” Crystal probably won\’t be happy, and it may take her some time to accept the situation, but she\’ll appreciate that Mike volunteered the information; to her, it\’ll be a sign that Mike\’s being honest, that nothing fishy is going on, and that perhaps Megan really isn\’t a threat to her. But if Crystal discovers on her own that Mike is still corresponding with Megan, … well, there\’s no version of that scenario that will go well for Mike, and there aren\’t many versions that end with Mike and Crystal still together.
So, yeah, Mike might not need to seek Crystal\’s permission for anything, but they do still need to talk.
Sorry, that was supposed to be a reply to E, and there weren’t supposed to be slashes before the apostrophes and quotation marks.
Also, Pete, I believe you. It’s just hard for us as the fans not to jump in and start discussing the issues and situations we see in the strip, especially since the circumstances of your life are forcing you to update the strip less frequently than you’d (or we’d) like.
I am amusing that you guys are all of the male gender because you have no clue what a girl would be thinking or feeling in this situation.(except for maybe Andy) It is not always rational; a girl needs to know things, if she feels you are keeping something from her she will not trust you, and if she finds out what you were keeping from her and she doesn’t like it she will never trust you again. Girls over think almost everything and use emotions to decide what they are going to do in there life.
it is all about trust, she will get over it eventually but how she finds out will determine how long it will take, and if she will forgive you and consider trusting you again. I
Busted.
indeed, by the way, i just now realized, is that a persian as your profile picture?
Ooooh…
She knows…
I don’t get this universe where correspondence is some kind of grave sin. He acknowledges his ex exists! The horror!
It’s a slippery slope for some!
Too true. The problem isn’t so much that he’s corresponding with his ex; that’s, as E says, not necessarily a huge deal. The problem is that he’s corresponding with his ex while his current girlfriend doesn’t know about it. That kind of thing may seem innocent enough for a while, but any counselor will tell you that the secrecy becomes part of the excitement for many people, and that the longer the secret is kept, the harder it becomes to reveal, and the greater the potential damage when it eventually comes to light.
It gets worse, too. The secrecy also means nobody’s really having a healthy conversation about setting boundaries. If a secret correspondence like that is kept up and kept secret for too long, it’ll almost certainly mushroom into full-blown emotional and maybe physical infidelity. (Not necessarily in a strip like Bardsworth, but certainly in real-world relationships.)
Fawn’s right: There are at least two conversations Mike needs to have with Crystal, and the sooner the better.
I’m with Andy on this one. My wife found out I still had my ex on my facebook (which I never used anyway) and got really pissed about it. For some it’s a HUGE deal to have ANY kind of contact with an EX without knowing about it.
Sure, rationally no big deal, but who ever said love was rational? 🙂
Okay, a) the fact that your wife got angry doesn’t make it some kind of universal constant, b) Megan isn’t his ex-wife, she’s his ex-girlfriend from high school who literally lives in another dimension c) Crystal’s not married to him! They’ve only been dating for about half a year!
No it’s not “Universal constant” but I’ve seen it far more often then you might think. My example is just my own direct and personal one without bringing up friends or coworkers who have had similar.
As for B and C my response is: and? So? As I said love is not rational. Some people DO get possessive. Others are worried that their partners MIGHT be possessive (even if they’re not). Hell my EX is half a continent away and it didn’t stop my wife from worrying. Or her worrying that I’d get possessive about any contact with her exes who were on the other side of the planet.
What? No. Mike doesn’t need Crystal’s permission to talk to his ex girlfriend, whether it’s a “slippery slope” or not. That’s just creepy and possessive.
Wow, it’s really hard for me to not jump into this conversation, since many of the things people are saying will be said/resolved in the strip. Being the author is difficult sometimes!
…I, uh, suppose I better get back to coloring the strip now.
If it were a question of permission, E, then no. The need for permission would tie into jealousy, possessivness, control, insecurity, or other problems, as you quite rightly note. Ideal situations and ideal people aren\’t always the ones we get to deal with, but you\’re right that, ideally, Mike wouldn\’t need Crystal\’s permission.
But it\’s not always a question of permission (and you\’ll notice that nobody has used that word so far, either in the strip or in the comments). Sometimes it\’s just a question of openness vs. secrecy, as I noted above and as I think Justin was hinting. And sometimes it\’s a question of when and how–especially how–one\’s current significant other finds out that one is communicating with one\’s ex.
Suppose Mike comes forward on his own and says, \”Hey, Crystal, I think you should know that I\’ve been corresponding with my ex-girlfriend Megan. It\’s nothing you need to worry about–I don\’t still have feelings for her, and I am nuts about you–but I do think it\’s important that I tell you it\’s going on.\” Crystal probably won\’t be happy, and it may take her some time to accept the situation, but she\’ll appreciate that Mike volunteered the information; to her, it\’ll be a sign that Mike\’s being honest, that nothing fishy is going on, and that perhaps Megan really isn\’t a threat to her. But if Crystal discovers on her own that Mike is still corresponding with Megan, … well, there\’s no version of that scenario that will go well for Mike, and there aren\’t many versions that end with Mike and Crystal still together.
So, yeah, Mike might not need to seek Crystal\’s permission for anything, but they do still need to talk.
Sorry, that was supposed to be a reply to E, and there weren’t supposed to be slashes before the apostrophes and quotation marks.
Also, Pete, I believe you. It’s just hard for us as the fans not to jump in and start discussing the issues and situations we see in the strip, especially since the circumstances of your life are forcing you to update the strip less frequently than you’d (or we’d) like.
I am amusing that you guys are all of the male gender because you have no clue what a girl would be thinking or feeling in this situation.(except for maybe Andy) It is not always rational; a girl needs to know things, if she feels you are keeping something from her she will not trust you, and if she finds out what you were keeping from her and she doesn’t like it she will never trust you again. Girls over think almost everything and use emotions to decide what they are going to do in there life.
it is all about trust, she will get over it eventually but how she finds out will determine how long it will take, and if she will forgive you and consider trusting you again. I
*Chuckles*
Oh I may be a guy there Raven but my wife let me know in no uncertain terms pretty much exactly what you just said. 🙂
Nope, very much of the female sϵx here. Sϵx doesn’t affect your possessiveness.
Also, really, sϵx is a censored word?
Yeah, it’s filtered in the comments due to spamming issues. Sorry.
E, Then you are a very unusual women. It’s good to know that there are other women not run solely by there emotions.
I’m really not that unusual.
Why must there always be a problem?!?!?
You know awns not all innocent in this field either. Remember the whole deal with the Spirit Bond?